11 things more likely to happen than U.S.A. #1
The United States is currently #12 in the world in the FIFA World Rankings. My bad. FIFA/Coca-Cola World Rankings. Here are 11 things more likely to happen than the U.S. ever hitting #1 in association football. At no point in this article am I going to try to convince you to watch soccer [you should totally watch] although I do think that if the U.S. consistently beat top competition, that you'd find Americans jumping on the bandwagon. But it's going to take more than one interesting weekend of beating up on a gang of Don Quixotes for 90 minutes.
11: The FIFA rankings pick-up two, three or five more sponsors. Perhaps they turn after turning the corporate reins over to Jacko's dad, who used a tribute interview to hype his own record label [3:15].
10: The Cowboys win a playoff game. This never gets old for me.
9: Elisha Cuthbert runs out of hockey players and dates the zamboni driver.
8: Then she dates the zamboni itself: HOT HOT HOT!
7: Then she'll date a Zamboni with an STD.
6: This kid'll ballin' with the Lakers.
5: Even Coach K learns to hate Coach K after the lifelong murophobiac finally looks in the mirror.
4: Swimming abandons pretense and says, "Whatever, we're going commando."
3: Bloggers exit basement and take Mariotti to the strip club instead of verbally kicking him in the balls.
2: Pacman Jones [most definitely NSFW language] gets involved and Goodell gives blessing.
1: Obama makes a legitimate cameo in the Booty Dew video.
